Fun_People Archive
11 Sep
How Sexy Are Your Sounds

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 98 10:29:47 -0700
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: How Sexy Are Your Sounds

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: nev@bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Adam Shand <larry@alaska.net>

	"How Sexy Are Your Sounds",
	-- by Sara Finlayson

Music Style:	TECHNO
Audience: 	Dudes who've been in the rave scene way too long.
Attire:  	What I came in.
Motions:  	Leaning against the wall discussing why Techno is superior to
                every other form of music on the planet.
Sex Status:  	Too busy talking about Techno to notice.
Get Laid?:  	3 otta 10


Music Style:	JUNGLE/D&B
Audience:	Fed-up ex-ravers and hyperactive Hip-Hop heads. Relatively
                young, more popular with girls than most forms of electronic
                music.
Attire:		Hip-Hop meets rave goes for a skate and then joins the Army.
Motions:	Flipper-like motions of the hands with a few moves collected
                from watching Beat Street.  Circle dancer meets MC Hammer.
Sex Status:	Jungle, like other forms of bass-heavy music, is very sexy.
Get Laid?:	6 outta 10


Music Style:    HOUSE
Audience:	Platinum American Express cocaine crowd.
Attire:		Sophisticated gals in tight-fitting black lycra and
                open-shirted fellows sporting gold medallions. Also big
                among the gay community where shirts are usually off.
Motions:  	Bumping and grinding. Always sweaty.
Sex Status:  	Everyone likes to "do it" here. A veritable meat market.
Get Laid?: 	10 outta 10


Music Style:	HARDCORE/GABBER
Audience:  	Tweeked out teens.  Predominantly frustrated males.  Also
                popular with serial killers.
Attire:  	Multiple piercings, wife-beater shirts, baggy trousers, and
                short hair.
Motions:  	Vigorous jumping up and down, pogo'ing, and speaker fucking.
Sex Staus:  	Stuck midway through adolescent masturbatory phase.  Anxious
                and feverish dance style suggests an urgent need to get laid.
Get Laid?:  	0 outta 10 (only a mother could love these guys)


Music Style:	GOA/PSYCH TRANCE
Audience:  	Crusties and anti-establishment trust fund babies
Attire:  	Matted dreadlocks, tie dye, and sandals remain popular.  A
                faint whiff of Nag Champa is usually evident.
Motions:  	Hippie dance style reminiscent of '60s exploitation movies.
                Crazy arms motions and rubbery legs usually point to excessive
                LSD intake.
Sex Status:  	Attractive to each other. Hose down before use.
Get Laid?:  	Depends on the phase of the Moon.


Music Style:	PROGRESSIVE HOUSE/TRANCE
Audience:  	University students and candy ravers.
Attire:  	'E' friendly apparel, including fluffy backpacks, glitter,
                pacifiers, and anything resembling a Dr.Suess character.
Motions:  	Hands in the air.  Eyes rolling back.  Occasionally slumped
                against the wall.
Sex Status:  	No thanks...we're in it for the music. Hugs welcome.
Get Laid?: 	Males: 2 outta 10 (too busy trainspotting)]
                Females: 6 outta 10 (they look great...to dirty old men)

© 1998 Peter Langston