Muppet Crotch Mania
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 98 12:23:26 -0700
Subject: Muppet Crotch Mania
Forwarded-by: Jessica Perry Hekman <email@example.com>
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Re: Muppet Crotch
Newsgroups: rec.arts.bodyart, alt.religion.kibology
In rec.arts.bodyart, amy (email@example.com) wrote:
> Not a permanent mod, but in the same ballpark as dreads and shaved heads
> (mmmm, shaved heads...). I just dyed my pubic hair purple! A lovely
> shade of violet. It's great! :-D I can't remember the last time I was
> so entranced by my own genitals! Now I can take the pictures of my
> labia piercings for BME.
> P.S. How's that for a catchy subject title?
Frankly, I'm disappointed... the Subject: header is *so* entrancing that I
was saddened to see nothing about Kermit The Frog's head popping out of your
panties, or Gonzo flashing Statler & Waldorf, or Big Bird building a giant
bidet out of twigs and bark.
Or that kid who got sent home from gym class because he had Muppet Crotch.
And he kept showing up to class with a note saying "I NO LONGER HAVE MUPPET
CROTCH, SIGNED, MY DOCTOR" and being turned away in tears until finally he
bathed in that black tar shampoo for a full week (including sleep time.)
Or waking up to discover that your crotch keeps singing about the number "3".
And there's a hand inside it.
Or that your crotch has "googly eyes" and it wants to eat cookies.
So, Amy, I'd have to say that while I'm glad you found a cool way to express
yourself, and I enjoyed reading your post about it, no Usenet post could
possibly live up to the promise of that wonderful Subject: line. It's like
if somebody said "Subject: Bob Hope Explodes" and then it turned out he just
died without exploding first: something excellent ruined by comparison with
something perfect, like the words "Muppet Crotch".
"Muppet Crotch": the "Where's The Beef?" of the new milennium!
I know I'll still be dropping it into conversations in 2999!
I LOVE "MUPPET CROTCH!"
trying to think of a pun on "gentian violet"
but "genital violet" isn't a tenth as catchy
as "Muppet Crotch".
I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR EVERYTHING ABOVE. AMY, YOUR ARTICLE'S SUBJECT
LINE IS COOLER THAN I COULD EVER BE EVEN IF I WENT STREET LUGING ON THE MOON
WITH LEONARDO DiCAPRIO, JOAN OF ARC, AND PETER SELLERS. I AM SO JEALOUS.
© 1998 Peter Langston