Style Invitational - Almost puns, but not quite:
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 98 12:46:01 -0700
Subject: Style Invitational - Almost puns, but not quite:
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<http://www.langston.com/Fun_People/1997/1997AIN.html> for some
foreign-language predecessors. -psl]
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[Forwards off looking at the dictionary...]
The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
Foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining
Fortissimoe: the musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the
faces of the first-violin section.
Tatyr: a lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your
Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous
"Surrender Dorothy" on the Beltway overpass.
Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient
who doesn't get it.
Conratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in
Whitetater: a political hot potato.
Impotience: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.
Auto-da-feh: the extermination of heretics via drowning in a vat of pus.
Stupfather: Woody Allen.
Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.
DIOS: the one true operating system.
Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: terminal coolness.
Writer's tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness.
Taterfamilias: the head of the Potato Head family.
Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.
Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.
Adulatery: cheating on your wife with a much younger woman who holds you
Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu.
Emasculathe: a tool for castration.
Burglesque: a poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a
Genitaliar: an image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man's front
Glibido: all talk and no action.
Antifun gal: a prude.
Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.
Eunouch: the pain of castration.
Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham
Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window.
Hozone: the area around 14th street.
Acme: a generic skin disease.
Hindprint: indentation made by a couch potato.
Intaxication: euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come
at you rapidly.
Coiterie: a very VERY close-knit group.
© 1998 Peter Langston