Fun_People Archive
16 Oct
NTK bits, 16/10/98

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 98 14:37:11 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: NTK bits, 16/10/98

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: NTK now, 16/10/98
 Forwarded-by: Danny <>

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                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                it barely moves

	 Now, didn't we say all along that APPLE would make it? Steve Jobs
	 announced profits of $106 million on revenue of $1.6 billion (same
	 as last year - shhh! shhh!) and revealed that soon "You'll be able
	 to get a new Mac for $99". Sweetly, some Mac fans thought this was
	 *really true*, rather than the Jobsian way of suggesting that it
	 was time to splash out on yet another OS upgrade. We also enjoyed
	 Apple's mailing to the rhapsodic Macevangelists providing the exact
	 times of product placements in this week's TV and films, so that
	 the devout could set their VCRs. Everyone's happy. Except...  why
	 did Jobs, apropos of nothing, insist at the press conference, that
	 "we still have our soul"? I mean, you don't think that deal with
	 Microsoft involved a third party?
                                       - oh, smart thinking, Sherlock
                                                     - a Mac for 99p!

                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

	 Hayes go NO CARRIER... can't launch a major brand without breaking
	 EGGS - ...  BBFA psychologists
	 refuse CARMAGEDDON II certification, after seeing a four-minute
	 demo... THRESH wipes out plucky British Quake champion Billox 56
	 to -1... US sex columnist Dan Savage gets "a disproportionate
	 amount of mail from MICROSOFT employees complaining about
	 impotence"... ZAP.COM pulls out of everything... E-TRADER caused
	 market crash by leaning on keyboard... DEMON director sets up mail
	 filters:  accidentally broadcasts inbox to entire department...
	 THE SUN launches anti-FURBY campaign, citing "They're UKP7 to make,
	 but UKP30 in shops" (no economies of scale printing a newspaper,
	 then?) plus "they only supply 350,000 so you have to fight to get
	 one" (self-restricted profiteering! uh-oh!)

                                >> TRACKING <<
                  making good use of the things that we find

	 The new PERL JOURNAL has been out for three weeks now, splashing
	 its payload of Obfuscated Perl Contest entries about like a
	 Typhoid-infested floozy. As Europeans, we're cheered that French
	 and (quelle surprise) Finnish contestants grabbed three out of the
	 four awards, given annually for code that's unreadable even by
	 Perl's high standards. The US managed to hold on to first place in
	 the "Most Powerful Code" section, with Clifford Adams'
	 implementation of two encryption systems - including RSA - in just
	 five lines. Ironically, by clawing some scrap of dignity for the
	 United States, Clifford and TPJ now lay themselves open for
	 prosecution by same as outlaw crypto munitions-smugglers. Although
	 we'd be amused to see the prosecution try to prove that's what the
	 code does.
                       - print version protected by the 1st amendment
                 - oh, but now it's Lisp, beating Python by a head...

                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

	 creator of SKY DIGITAL banner ad is NTK subscriber: have you no
	 sense of decency?... not quite sure what market is aiming at... LEXICAL FREENET is the
	 new sixdegrees... DR SHUFFLEBRAINS will see you now: ... world's first
	 objective mirror site: ... no, fsck you!
	 - ...  Louis and Jane get
	 a cool 10 million dollars each... game over for your "Nick Hornby
	 with computers" book pitch: ... new
	 ... how it should be -
	 ... "Linus does not scale"... stop press: the ECONOMIST
	 gets to the bottom of Art Bell's "disappearance" :

                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                      may contain strongly-typed language

	 RED BOOK AUDIO>> is it just us, or does the new U2 single sound
	 just like cult '80s Frankenstein tribute "China In Your Hand", by
	 T'PAU?... still no news of whether ACE OF BASS really are going to
	 sue T-SPOON for "Sex On The Beach" sounding too much like AOB's
	 1993 hit, "The Sign". And why doesn't the blonde one in Ace Of Bass
	 ever appear in interviews or videos or even properly in focus on
	 the cover of the new album? It's because *she's being hunted by a
	 stalker!*... our top compilation of the moment: CD number 2 stuck
	 to the front of clearly desperate, objectively disgusting Nestle
	 brekkie cereal GOLDEN GRAHAMS. (Very) varied Radio 1 Evening
	 Session-style highlights include the first RIALTO single, and
	 almost BRA-like novelty techno from THE EGG and upcoming
	 album-mongers FUZZ TOWNSEND - who, in both name and musicianship,
	 remind us of the theme from '70s kids Saturday morning TV show,
	 The Fun Factory... ORBITAL tell NME their new album will be most
	 "jolly" so far, promise single consisting entirely of samples of
	 Rolf Harris Stylophone... tribute band for PUFF DADDY pick
	 unfortunate, all-too predictable name of MUFF DADDY... which *is*
	 the best UK music news site? , or that
	 "Dominator" guy who just lists all the current singles releases?...
	 and finally, farewell to AntiNews instigators THE SHAMEN, who
	 finally halt their shameless partying like its 1989 with their new,
	 final album UV due Monday 19/10/98.  (Intentionally) hilarious
	 sign-off at warns shocked fans that no
	 material "will be given further terrestrial release", though the
	 band "will continue to collaborate, via their higher aspects, in
	 the 4th Dimension". The band blame mathematical differences...

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
  It is registered at the Post Office as "more viewers than New Media Age"

           (K) 1998 Special Projects. Non-business copying is fine,
                        but retain SMALL PRINT. Contact
       for commercial license details.

                   Tips, news and gossip to

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