Fun_People Archive
13 Dec
Fun_People Updates 12/13/98

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 98 19:27:00 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: Fun_People Updates 12/13/98

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Fun_People Updates 12/13/98

    I'm back from a delightful and nostalgic trip to places I used to live:  
namely, the Bay Area, New Haven, and New York City.  There have been a lot of  
interruptions in Fun_Service lately and there will be one more interruption  
this year, but not until after Christmas, so watch out; I'm making up for lost  
time as well as time yet to be lost...
    Have a wonderful holiday season and celebrate whatever makes sense to  
you, be it Hannukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, End-of-Autumn, or  
National Save the Gay Whale's Right to Arm Bears Day.
    Oh, and here are some responses/comments relating to recent Fun_People  


Re: Michael Moore's Last Election Rant (fwd)
Date: Tue, 3 Nov 1998 14:53:03 -0600 (CST)
From: Karl Juhnke <>

On Mon, 2 Nov 1998, Peter Langston wrote:

> X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
> [Well, we think it's Michael's last election rant, but who knows?
>  It's certainly adding spice to this election, though...  -psl]

Yes, and Tobasco sauce adds spice to a peanut butter sandwich, but doesn't
necessarily make it taste better.

> We are hours away from what could be the final, crushing blow to the
> Republican-led impeachment/Witch Hunt.
> Never before -- and I mean NEVER BEFORE -- have we had, in our lifetime,
> such an opportunity to stop the right wing dead in its tracks.

What does Moore mean by this?  Do our votes count for more in this
election than they have counted in the past?  Or is the chance of a
Democratic victory greater than it has ever been?  On either count, he is
simply wrong.

Please don't misunderstand me: I am a Democrat, and I participate in the
political process. I vote no matter how hopeless it looks, and living in
Kansas I know about hopeless elections.  Our governor, both our U.S.
Senators, all four of our U.S. Representatives, all but one of our
state-wide elected officials, and two-thirds of both houses of the state
legislature are Republican. I don't think there is a more Republican state
in the union, but I vote every election, and I vote Democrat.

Even so, I believe Moore is ranting up the wrong tree.  He is telling us
to vote because we have an unprecedented chance to oust the evil,
slope-browed Republicans.  What will it mean if we vote, the results roll
in, and the Republicans gain about seven seats in the House and about two
seats in the Senate just like level-headed analysts have predicted?  What
will he say after another Republican victory?

It is wrong to tell someone to vote for the wrong reason.  When the wild
hopes of victory are proved to be baseless, it undermines the motivation
for voting again.  Next election, when the same misguided exhortation
comes around, it will be just another reason for cynicism.  To me it
appears that not only some politicians but also some political activists
twist the truth in an effort to manipulate us.  I do not think Moore
realizes that in a subtle way he is contributing to voter disenchantment
and apathy.

I would bet even money that not a single one of the nine candidate for
whom I just voted will win.  Why then did I vote?  Why did I attend all
the party meetings, and rally student Democrats?  Why did I make hundreds
of phone calls and pass out hundreds of flyers?

I participate because I am proud of our democracy.  I have lived in a
country where there was no democracy, and I have seen first-hand the
corruption that grows from autocratic rule.  When Todd Tiahrt, my U.S.
Representative and one of the most far-right politicians on Capitol Hill,
is re-elected today, I will be proud of my district, proud of my state,
and proud of my country.

I participate because I have come to know the corruption of our own
system.  I see ways in which our political process does not result in what
is best for the people.  I fight against the monied interests which try to
subvert our political system to their own ends.

I participate to educate myself and other voters.  In learning about and
campaigning for the candidates, I am able to see beyond the filth of
attack ads and the howls of extremists.  I come to know that our country
is faced with geuninely difficult choices, about which honest people may
disagree.  I come to respect the men and women who dedicate their lives to
grappling such issues.

I vote because every vote for my candidate is a victory for the ideals for
which s/he stands.  My vote counts no matter who wins the election.

And yes, I vote because the candidate I support just might win in spite of
the probabilities.

Re: Michael Moore's Last Election Rant (fwd)
Date: Wed, 4 Nov 1998 02:54:15 -0600 (CST)
From: Karl Juhnke <>

Well, the results are rolling in, and even Kansas elected one Democrat.
What can I say?  Pass the Tobasco sauce. :-)

Re: Michael Moore Hasn't Gone To Bed Yet

A Stunning Victory and Upset

11/4/98 -- 4:30am

Dear friends --


We did it!

The Counter Coup has won.

Impeachment is dead.

CNN just called it "a landslide."

History was made tonight. And all of you made it happen.

>From out of the blue, as I and many of you predicted, tens of thousands of
angry citizens came out in droves and committed an act of civil
disobedience, voting straight Dumbocrat, and whacking the Republicans like
a Mack truck they never saw coming.

Not since 1822 -- that's NOT a typo! I said 1822! -- has the party in the
White House picked up seats in the middle of the second term of a President.
That's 176 years! In other words, IT NEVER HAPPENS!

Well, it happened tonight. The Democrats will pick up at least 5 seats in
the House and 1 to 2 seats in the Senate.

Every pundit, commentator, and news agency -- and I mean ALL OF THEM -- had
predicted the Republicans would win anywhere from 20 to 40 seats in the
House and 4 to 6 in the Senate.  They started to revise these figures
downward over the weekend when it appeared there was something "in the air".
But none of them, other than Jeff Greenfield on CNN, would predict that the
Democrats would show an increase and the Republicans a loss.


It was clear to me over the past weeks that we were going to send a message
to Washington.  I have received so many thousands of letters, I have to dump
my e-mail every hour because my box is full. I have no idea how many other
thousands of letters never got through. I am being conservative when I tell
you that more than a million people were reading and passing around these
rants. The response was phenominal. One guy wrote me today to say that he
had received the last rant from over two dozen people who had forwarded it
to him. Numerous others, all day long, wrote to say how they had sent it to
a hundred or more people. One individual told me he sent it to "over 800

The best letters came from the non-voters, people who had decided to vote
for the first time in years. I truly believe they, and the overwhelming
numbers of African Americans who voted, made the difference in this

Tonight's turnout was the largest in any off-year election since 1970! The
people had finally had it.

Even the Drudge Report tonight is reporting "Top GOP Official Says:
Impeachment Dead."

It's all over folks and YOU made it happen.

D'mato--gone! Faircloth--gone! Dornan--gone for good!

If we had been able to run candidates against the nearly-100 incumbents who
ran UNOPPOSED, we would have even more victories tonight.

In the state of Washington, voters, by a 2 to 1 margin, increased the
minimun wage.  Right wing ballot initiatives, from abortion to taxes were
defeated across the country.

For the past two weeks I've been traveling to a number of states, speaking
at rallies, going door-to-door, and endorsing Democrats like sliced bread.
I am especially happy to see the results in North Carolina where we had
initiated an Internet truth campaign on the right wing Senator Faircloth.
And last week, while in Lawrence, Kansas, campaigning for Dennis Moore, I
had the pleasure to meet the rag tag bunch who were working round the clock
to throw the incumbent right-winger, Congressman Snowbarger, out of office.
No one had given Dennis a chance in this Republican state. I sat there and
worked the phone banks, calling voters at home and encouraging them to vote
for Dennis Moore.  Everyone I spoke to said they would be there at the polls
to vote straight Democrat. More than a few told me that they were sick and
tired of these people trying to railroad the President.

Tonight, Dennis Moore is the new Democratic Congressman from Kansas.

And how about Jesse "The Body" Ventura as the new governor of Minnesota?
Whoa! A third party victory! Yes! And a professional wrestler to boot!
Here's hoping Jesse gives ol' Tommy Thompson and John Engler a body slam
and a full nelson at the next Governors' Conference!

Ventura's victory, regardless of what you think of the Reform Party, is a
watershed moment. It proves that if the people are given a true alternative
and a chance to stick it to the whole lousy system of professional
politicians, they will do so gladly.  Of course, the media has to not create
a blackout around that candidate, and it appears the press in Minnesota gave
Ventura decent coverage. We must take heart in the possibilities here, and
in the next few days, I will write to you and discuss my ideas for what we
can do NOW to avoid the same sorry Evil of Two Lessers election in 2000.

So, chalk one up for our side. There will not be another 8 months of stained
dresses and dancing cigars. These politicians will be forced to deal with
the issues important to most of us.  And they better get on with it, 'cause
we proved tonight that the power is truly in our hands if we choose to
exercise it.

Congratulations to everyone, give yourselves a well-deserved pat on the
back, and thank God for whoever invented the Internet! This is one dangerous
democratic device!

Talk to you soon.

Michael Moore

P.S. TO BILL CLINTON: Ok, buddy, you owe me -- and everyone who's reading
this letter -- one. Start treating your wife with some respect and love.
Stop trying to start wars to distract us. Your free trade ideas have ruined
many families and you are responsible for their suffering. Quit gloating
about the economy -- it is a house of cards, built on the personal debt and
bankruptcies of millions of Americans, and it is teetering on the brink of
collapse. Before the '96 election, you said you would "fix" the
mean-spirited welfare bill if you got re-elected? Well? Was this a lie, too?
How about eliminating some of that CORPORATE welfare you've been dishing
out to the attendees of your little coffee klathces? Get with it. You come
from the working class. Act like one of us -- and let people remember the
final two years of your Presidency as the ones where you found redemption.
Remember the message you sent to me across the room in the union hall when
you first ran? You wanted to shake my hand for the cameras in Flint,
Michigan, and I wouldn't do it. You told me "Roger & Me" had a profound
impact on you. Prove it. Save my hometown where 67 percent of the school
children live in poverty. Save Flint, save yourself. Redemption, Bill.

Meanwhile, we'll be busy making sure the right candidates are running in
the next election.

(Please forward this letter to all the good people you have forwarded the
other letters to!)

Re: State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts
From: Richard Gillmann <>

This is from the Onion, Oct. 21, 1998 issue.

[Oops!  -psl]

Re: State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts
From: (Eric H Foster)

Hate to be the one to point it out again, but this is yet another article
ripped out of the pages of The Onion.


[Oops!  -psl]

Re: State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts

The post that was for "State Department" to hold enemy tryouts is a rip-off
from the Onion or should I say, direct cut and paste.
The information transmitted is intended only for the person or entity to
which it is addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged
material.  Any review, retransmission, dissemination or other use of, or
taking of any action in reliance upon, this information by persons or
entities other than the intended recipient is prohibited.   If you received
this in error, please contact the sender and delete the material from any

[Oops!  -psl]

Re: State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts
From: Chris Norloff <>

Will you please start giving credit to The Onion!  This is yet another of
their great works which published in Fun People without giving credit.

Even if you receive these without attribution, surely you can recognize The
Onion's style by now - it's unique and it's great.
State Department To Hold Enemy Tryouts Next Week
WASHINGTON, DC--Taking steps to fill the void that
has plagued the American military-industrial complex
since the 1991 collapse of the Soviet Union, Secretary
of State Madeleine Albright announced Tuesday that
the U.S. will hold enemy tryouts next week.

Chris Norloff

[Oops!  -psl

 Okay, okay, how about this...


 Because I still can't recognize an Onion story out of context,
 but the last thing I want to do is frustrate Chris...

Re: Yet Another Installment of Interesting but Suspicious "Facts"
From: Daniel Steinberg <>

>* The lot numbers for the cyanide-tainted Tylenol capsules scare back in
>  1982 were MC2880 and 1910MD.  [Hard to believe, huh?  -psl]

aren't those the number painted on the hull of the Starship Enterprise and
Ronald Reagan's license plate numbers, respectively?

Re: Generic Jokes
From: Daniel Steinberg <>

Ray Bierl's generic jokes are WAY better than those lame examples.  Here's
a couple that i recall:

   The members of three different ethnic groups attempt to perform a task.
   The first two approach the problem and solve it in a manner consistent
   with their ethnic background, while the third completely fucks it up.

   A misfortune befalls a member of the legal profession.

Re: Yet Another Installment of Interesting but Suspicious "Facts"
From: (Pete Moore)

 * The two longest one-syllable words in the English language are "screeched"
   and "strengths."

===>You overlook "brougham" and "broughamed" (pronounced "brome(d)"), meaning 
"to transport in a brougham" (a specific type of carriage)

Re: Yet Another Installment of Interesting but Suspicious "Facts"
From: (Albyn Jones)

 * The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

There were no mules in North Vietnam??

Re: State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts
From: <>

>Forwarded-by: Luke McGuff <>
>Forwarded-by: "Freddie Baer" <>
>        State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts
>WASHINGTON, DC--Taking steps to fill the void that has plagued the
>American military-industrial complex since the 1991 collapse of the
>Soviet Union, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright announced Tuesday
>that the U.S. will hold enemy tryouts next week.


This is another one from The Onion:


[Oops!  (sigh)  -psl]

Re: Generic Jokes

I've always enjoyed this one, which for sheer parsimony, may be the
prototype of them all.

"Two individuals are walking down the street.
 One does something inappropriate."

Re: Generic Jokes
Forwarded-by: "Dan 'Dante' Tenenbaum" <>
From: Kevin Rexroat <>

time again for my favorite joke:

q: How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

a: One.  Why do you ask such a question?  Changing a lightbulb is not
difficult.  You unscrew the defective lightbulb and screw in a new one.  It
is simple.  A child could do it, if properly instructed.  Are you asking
this question for some comic purpose?  If so, i do not understand.  Few home
maintenance tasks are as uncomplicated and straightforward as changing a

Re: Yet Another Installment of Interesting but Suspicious "Facts"
From: (Tom Parmenter)

Dear Peter,

I *have* Walt Disney's autograph, in a book inscribed from him to me
in the presence of my father, who worked in the Disney Studio during
WW2 (my Dad was in the Army supervising Signal Corps training films)
and his signature looks pretty much like the logo.


Re: Yet Another Installment of Interesting but Suspicious "Facts"
From: (Tom Parmenter)


Steely Dan was the special pal of Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas.
Nothing to do with Naked Lunch (little dirty joke in there somewhere).


Re:  State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts

let me guess- another "Onion"?

[Sigh...  -psl]

Re: Marijuana Vote Results Kept Secret
From: Gilbert Rankin <>

For those of your readers who might wish to read the full story or doubt
that even our congress could be that absurd the URL for the full story is
available at:


Re: Yet Another Installment of Interesting but Suspicious "Facts"
From: "Dave Mattingly" <>

>* No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Mathmeticians workd for many a month,
raising polynomials to the (n+1)th.

Re: State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts
From: Don Weitzman <>

This piece is from The Onion.

[Sigh!  -psl]

Re: Republican shake up
From: "Guthrie, John" <>

Peter a funny quote from an article in the San Jose Mercury called "98 vote
leaves GOP navel-gazing"

"The Republicans did what they do so often--they assembled a firing squad
 in the shape of a circle," said Jack Pitney, a government professor at
 Claremont McKenna College in Southern California.

Re: Yet Another Installment of Interesting but Suspicious "Facts"
From: Michael Cooney <>

 * February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
   [What about September 1752?  -psl]

-- I find this hard to believe.  Feb. '99 won't, for instance.  Jan & March
will both have "blue moons". BUT: A REAL blue moon is much more rare than
the "second full moon in the one month" definition (which is relatively
recent). A real blue moon results from atmospheric conditions (volcanic
eruptions, for instance) that actually make the moon appear blue.

 * The abbreviation for pound, "lb.," comes from the astrological sign Libra,
   meaning balance, and symbolized by scales.

-- From "A Distant Mirror" by Barbara Tuchman:
"Medieval currencies derived originally from the libra (livre or pound -
that's why pounds are indicated with an L [lb.-L]) of pure silver from which
were struck 240 silver pennies, later established as twelve pennies to the
shilling or sous and 20 shillings or sous to the pound or livre. The florin
[Florence], ducat [Venice], franc, livre, Ocu, mark, and English pound were
all theoretically more or less equivalent to the original pound, although
in the course of things their weight and gold content varied."

"Twenty sous at this time [Middle Ages] was equal to a day's pay of one
knight, or four archers, or the hire of a cart and two horses for twenty
days, or theoretically, the pay of a hired peasant for two years."

 * The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is

-- I don't know -- lotza people in the Pentagon are full of shit.

 * In Chinese, the words for crisis and opportunity are the same.

-- In English, the words for Polish and polish are the same.

Re: State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts
From: "Keith E. Sullivan" <>

Peter Langston wrote:

> X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
> Forwarded-by: Luke McGuff <>
> Forwarded-by: "Freddie Baer" <>
>         State Department to Hold Enemy Tryouts

Just for your information Peter, this piece came from The Onion web site.


[Oops!  Sigh.  Thanks, Keith.  No, really!  I mean it!  I hope these twenty
 Fun_Corrections will serve as a fit retraction/correction for my oversight.
 Or should I say "over-sigh..."? -psl]

Re: Telekinesis => Psychokinesis
From: Cal Herrmann <>

Quoth Peter Langston:
> X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
>  Forwarded-by: Ken Alexander <>
> On Mindsong's "research articles" page,
> it seems that the concept formerly known as "telekinesis" is now called
> "psychokinesis", and that therefore someone who was "telekinetic" would now
> be called "psychokinetic".
> As soon as possible, the same linguistic shift should be applied to people

Um. Is this all there was to the message? Was something cut off? Inquiring
minds... -- Aloha, Lani

Re: Telekinesis => Psychokinesis
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Cal & Lani Herrmann <>

    Oops!  Thanks for asking.  Here's what it should have said:

Forwarded-by: Ken Alexander <>

 On Mindsong's "research articles" page,
 it seems that the concept formerly known as "telekinesis" is now called
 "psychokinesis", and that therefore someone who was "telekinetic" would now
 be called "psychokinetic".

 As soon as possible, the same linguistic shift should be applied to people
 who claim to be "telepathic."

Re: The Body Politic
From: "Stephen Nelson" <>

In case you are interested, this is not the first time that Minnesotans have
repudiated the Dems and Reps.  In the 1930's, the Farmer-Labor party arose
in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and swept to power in Minnesota.  The Farmer
Labor party captured the governorship, led by Floyd B. Olson, most of the
legislature, and many mayorships, especially in the Iron Range.  For
practical purposes, the Democratic Party ceased to exist in Minnesota as a
potent political force on state issues.

One of Hubery Humphrey's key accomplishments when he was Mayor of
Minneapolis after World War II was bringing the Farmer Labor party into the
national Democratic Party.  To this day, the Democratic Party in Minnesota
is known as the DFL (Democrat-Farmer-Labor).

Also, prior to the Farmer Labor party, the Iron Range gave birth to the
International Workers of the World, and as late as the 1960's there was
still an active IWW local in Duluth.

Re: The Job Description
From: "Ray Frank" <>

Hi Peter,
Another version of this:
An Englishman was driving his beloved Jaguar drop-head coupe rapidly down
a narrow Scottish lane and chanced to hit a rooster.  He stopped at the
nearby farm house and said, "I say, I'm frightfully sorry but I seem to have
killed your rooster, bad show and all that but I'll replace him." The auld
lass at the farmhouse said, "Suit yoursel' laddie, the chickens are out

Re: QOTD - Hess. 11/10/98
From: "Michael Hawley" <>

|Overheard on NPR Talk of the Nation, 11/9/98
|  Hess's Media Rule Number 2 for broadcast journalists:
| "It doesn't matter what you wear on radio,
| or what you say on TV."
|I wonder what Media Rule Number 1 is?
| - Peter

  #1: It doesn't matter what you type on the internet,
      someone will always assume you're a dog.

Re: Consumer Alert - Bread on the Rise!
From: "Peter H. Salus" <>

For the sake of silliness, I feel it incumbent upon me to point out the #2
(half are below average) is not true for any of the various things usually
enumerated.  With a respectable population, there are enough instances *at*
the average, that there are only 40%-45% either above or below.


Re: Consumer Alert - Bread on the Rise!
From: "Stephen Nelson" <>

I don't like being the bearer of bad news, but government has already gone
after Big Bread.  The problem, by the way, is not that the organic compounds
break down ozone; rather that they, along other organic compounds, help form
ozone.  Thus, most bakeries in urban areas have been required to install
some pretty expensive pollution controls.  Incidentally, the primary organic
in bakery emissions is good old ethanol, which raises the question that if
you could concentrate bakery emissions, could you get drunk simply by
breathing the vapors?  Perhaps the bakeries could bottle the concentrate
and sell it for a fast high??

In the same vein as the dangers of bread, we should also remember the
dangers of pickles.  Dredging from my memrory banks of an article in the
Journal of Irreproducible Research from about 25 or 30 years ago, we should
take note of the following facts:

1.  Of all people born in 1845 and who subsequently ate pickles, every
single one has died.

2.  Rats force-fed their body weight daily in pickles soon last all
appetite for their normal food and subsequently died due to improper

3.  Nearly 100 per cent of the leaders of Iron Curtain countries ate
pickles some time in their youth.

Re: Bioengineering Marijuana Oranges
From: "Dan 'Dante' Tenenbaum" <>

I think this is a hoax or urban legend. There is no such paper as the SF
Bay Chronicle (there is a Chronicle and a Bay Guardian).

There is no reference to these seeds on the web. At least I could not find
any after a cursory search. It is sort of a more sophisticated take on the
"Mrs. Fields' cookie recipe" urban legend in that the father "gets revenge"
on the government by making marijuana undetectable. A bit more
sophisticated, but still a lie. Too bad.

Re: Bioengineering Marijuana Oranges
From: "Tom Duff" <>

On Nov 12,  1:13pm, Peter Langston wrote:
>     Meet Hugo Nanofsky, biochemist, ...
>... John Chapman Professor of
>Biochemistry at Florida State University

This is a great story but (as you presumably suspect) is probably a hoax.
There is no Hugo Nanofsky at the FSU biochemistry department, nor anywhere
else that I can find.  There is no John Chapman Chair in Biochemistry at
FSU or anywhere else (again, that I can find).

John Chapman was the real name of Johnny Appleseed -- obviously a joke.

Besides, the law may often be stupid, but not in this particular way.
Anybody who let the government know he was manufacturing THC by any means
at all, including growing oranges, would find himself in a federal prison
quicker than you can say `Johnny Appleseed.'

Furthermore, if this were true, I wouldn't have heard about it from you --
it would have been on the front page of the NY Times, above the fold.

Tom Duff.  All colors are arbitrary.

[p.s. to Tom -- Nice movie, congratulations!  -psl]

Re: Bioengineering Marijuana Oranges
From: "Chris LaFournaise (cjl)" <>

I must have a short attention span.  The whole way through this article I
kept saying to myself, "But Ford didn't have minivans in 1984..."


From: "Terry O'Toole" <TO'>
Re: Fun_People Updates 11/1/98

/what have you heard about the newspaper article (Vancouver Sun)  that
postulates that Booth was an assassin hired by major bankers to kill Lincoln
because Lincoln had developed his own money (the Greenback) and ignored the
banks' pressure to accept the money from the privately owned "Federal
Reserve?"  I also heard that Lincoln entered office not really caring about
slavery.  Maybe that's another myth for this post?

Terry :o)

Re: Bioengineering Marijuana Oranges
From: elshaw@MIT.EDU (Libby Shaw)

[Aw, I wanted so to believe...
Very disturbing last paragraph.  Sounds like The Final Solution
for unfavored plant species. --lib]

------- Forwarded Message

From: "george m. anderson iii" <>

many problems here.  first, you dont propagate oranges from seed (just try).
all oranges are monoclones (except for different varieties).  the seeds dont
faithfully reproduce the parent, so you highly risk growing a plant that
doesnt do the thc expression. (if you look at the metabolic pathway, just
about anything that makes limonene would work and lots make that) finally,
what thc compound in chocolate?  not phenethylamine.  its aint thc like by
any stretch (and probably doesnt do anything cns anyway.).

and at what level is the thc expression.  if it's real small, then so what.
that puts it in the native cannabis plants which grow wild and nobody

there is one good thing.  the smart fungus boys have perfected a fungus
which will eliminate the cocaine plant (ethroxylum).  easy to pull same
trick on cannibis (probably take out the hops also as the selectivity aint
all that great).  probably leave the oranges alone tho.

------- End of Forwarded Message

Re: Bioengineering Marijuana Oranges
From: "" <>

[Sigh.  Must be Friday the 13th.]

Date: Fri, 13 Nov 1998 16:56:22 -0500
From: (Gregory Aharonian)
Subject: PATNEWS: Book review: "Inventing software"

!19981113  Book review:  "Inventing Software"


    On a sadder note, that story I sent out about THC orange juice is
apparently an urban legend/fiction.  A lot of my readers bothered to check
out the story in more detail, and couldn't find anything.  Oh well, the
story will become a real at some point, saving me from having to write a
PATNEWS in the future.

    I am currently preparing my Worst Software Patent of the Year award.
My current candidate is 5,706,442, which for multiple reasons is a classic
example of the farce of software patenting.  If you have a better candidate
let me know.


Re: Plastic Vishnu
From: Robin <>

You may be interested to know that the song "Plastic Jesus" features very
heavily in the plot of "Cool Hand Luke" (if that is the correct name of the
film). Paul Newman sings it just after he learns that his mother has died
while he is imprisoned in a chain gang.

He sings it as a slow blues: it is usually performed these days as a fast
upbeat humourous song. It is very powerful in the movie.

Would sincerely like to find out the provenance of "Plastic Jesus" - who
wrote it, etc.

Robin Hayes

Re: Yet Another Installment of Interesting but Suspicious "Facts"
From: (Bob Gremling)

You sent:

>* No word in the English language rhymes with month.

I guess this one is suspicious, since the following are words:

billionth, centillionth, decillionth, duodecillionth, jillionth,
millionth, nonillionth, novemdecillionth, octillionth, octodecillionth,
quadrillionth, quattuordecillionth, quindecillionth, quintillionth,
septendecillionth, septillionth, sextillionth, tredecillionth,
trillionth, twelvemonth (Chiefly British), undecillionth and

Re: Bioengineering Marijuana Oranges
From: Alex Bischoff <>

At 04:13 PM 11/12/98 , you wrote:
>            A Florida Biochemist designs a citrus tree with THC.
It would appear that this might be a hoax:

Re: Bioengineering Marijuana Oranges
From: Leon Marr <>

BTW, I should note the following quote at the bottom of the story:

"The South to the Future World Wide Wire Service is a weekly feed of
technology and media news commentary and satire published by the San
Francisco Bay Guardian. Quotations attributed to public figures who are
satirized are often true, but sometimes invented. Some fictional statements
may, in fact, be true."

which strikes me as a particularly amusing disclaimer.

Re: Tonight on TV

Hi Peter,

Actually, this is from a recent Onion (


[Oy and oops!  -psl]

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