Fun_People Archive
4 Jan
The Comedian's-eye View of 01/05/99

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  4 Jan 99 18:56:08 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 01/05/99

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: 01/05/99 -- ShopTalk

                       Tuesday January 5, 1999
                 <http://www.tvspy.com/shoptalk.htm>

     "A new study listed the cities with the most cases of
      syphilis and gonorrhea...New York wasn't even in the Top 20.
      New York's murder rate is down. Times Square is family-
      friendly. New York has become your crazy drinking buddy who
      got married and had kids."

                             -- Colin Quinn on SNL

                               &&&&&&&&&&

Waste Not - Want Not: Italian researchers say they have invented a car that
runs on human waste.... Is this a good idea?  I mean, itOs bad enough people
brush their teeth, shave and put on make-up behind the wheel, do we really
want them reading Reader's Digest, now, too? ...  And you thought your old
car ran good on ethyl.  Wait till you try a tank of Fred. (Steve Voldseth)

Now Cough: Charlton Heston, the 75-year-old president of the NRA has been
diagnosed with prostate cancer....Considering where his head's been lately,
it must have been a self-diagnosis. (Bill Williams)

Rats Return: Congress returns to Washington.  A new representative will soon
learn there's a pecking order.  Beginning freshmen are always given Capitol
Hill's older mistresses. (Alan Ray)

Snow Shovel: The East endures frigid temperatures.  You can tell it's been
cold in Washington, DC.  Kenneth Starr had to burn an extra witch. (Ray)

Dole Deciding: Liz Dole may run for president.  There's one final obstacle
for her to overcome.  During the 2000 convention, Republican leaders must
draft a platform to support a woman's right to vote.  (Ray)

© 1999 Peter Langston