Fun_People Archive
19 Jan
The comedian's-eye View of 01/19/99

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 99 17:08:27 -0800
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Subject: The comedian's-eye View of 01/19/99

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: 01/19/99 -- ShopTalk

                       Tuesday January 19, 1999

Last Thursday -- on the first day, mind you -- while the House Republican
managers (a/k/a 12 Angry Men) presented their case against Clinton, what
were the Senators doing? Tapping their feet. Yawning.  Passing notes. Eating
candy. Nodding off. Checking to see if Strom Thurmond still has a pulse.
It's as if Justice Rehnquist is their substitute teacher. Pass the word --
everyone drop your books on the floor at 3pm! Welcome to the wacky world of
jury duty, Senators!  Anyway, back to the Senate trial, where the thrills
just keep on coming. On Friday, Lindsay Graham warned his colleagues that
"today won't be as exciting as yesterday." Which is like saying that John
Tesh is not as exciting as Yanni.

                             Paul Harris - Just Plain Harris


President Clinton's trial is being televised.  "With 'Seinfeld' off the air,
we need another show about nothing." (W.T.  Horn)

"Polls about the Senate impeachment proceedings have found 20% of the public
want President Clinton removed from office, 29% want him to stay, and 51%
want Disney to fix the lousy animatronics they did on Strom Thurmond."
(Jerry Perisho)

European Union countries adopted a new currency, the Euro, this month.  "In
a setback, some Eastern Eurpean countries mistakenly adopted the Yugo as
their currency." (Michael Feldman)

Cher admitted to a London newspaper that she has had plastic surgery.  "You
could've knocked me over with a feather.'" (Leno)

Going, Going: They auctioned off Mark McGwires' 70th home-run baseball for
$3 million. Which sounds like a lot to pay for a baseball, but it turns out,
the guy who bought it also gets to host the 2002 Winter Olympics at his
house. (Voldseth)

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