Lovely Orlando, Florida
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 16 Feb 99 14:45:16 -0800
Subject: Lovely Orlando, Florida
[A retelling of a classic... -psl]
Forwarded-by: Dan Hunt <firstname.lastname@example.org>
On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL they play a game for prizes,
usually vacations and such, called "Mate Match." The DJs ring someone at
work and ask if they are married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then
this person is asked 3 very personal questions that vary from couple to
couple and asked for their significant others name and work phone number.
If the significant other answers correctly then they are winners. This
particular day (12-9-98) it got interesting:
DJ: HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know "Mate Match"?
Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.
DJ: What is your name? First name only please.
DJ: Are you married or what Brian?
DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean you are married? or what? Brian?
Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes, I am married.
DJ: Thank you Brian. OK, now, what is your wife's name? First name only
DJ: Is Sara at work Brian?
Brian: She's gonna kill me.
DJ: Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work?
Brian: (laughing) Yes she is.
DJ: All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: She is going to kill me.
DJ: BRIAN! Stay with me here, man.
Brian: About 8 O'clock this morning.
DJ: Atta boy.
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well.
DJ: Number 2: How long did it last?
Brian: About 10 minutes.
DJ: Wow! You really want that trip huh? No one would ever have said that
if it there weren't a trip at stake.
Brian: Yeah, it'd be really nice.
DJ: OK. Final question: Where were you when you had sex at 8 this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) I ummmmm.
DJ: This sounds good Brian where was it?
Brian: Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us
for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time.
DJ: Ooooooh, sneaky boy!
Brian: On the kitchen table.
DJ: "Not that great"? That is more adventurous than the last hundred times
I did it. Anyway, (to audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his
wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.
DJ: (to audience) We're back; let's call Sara shall we? (touch tones)
DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?
Clerk: This is she.
DJ: Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a
couple of hours now
Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours?
DJ: Well, a while anyway. He's also on the line with us. Brian knows not
to give away any answers or you lose. Soooooooo, do you know the
rules of "Mate Match"?
Sara: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you up to?
Brian: (laughing) Just answer his questions honestly, OK?
Sara: Oh, Brian
DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara, I will now ask you 3 questions and if you
answer exactly what Brian did, then the 2 of you are off to Orlando,
Florida at our expense. This includes tickets to Disney World, Sea
World and tickets to see the Orlando Magic play. ... Get it Sara?
SARA! GET IT? Orlando Magic, Sara. NBA Sara. They are on strike
Sara helloooooo anyone home?!?!
Sara: (laughing hard) YES, yes.
DJ: All right, when did you have sex last Sara?
Sara: Oh God, Brian... this morning before Brian went to work.
DJ: What time?
Sara: About 8 I think. (sound effect) DING DING DING
DJ: Very good. Next question: How long did it last?
Sara: 12-15 minutes maybe.
DJ: hhmmmm Background voice in studio: That's close enough. I'm sure
she's trying not to harm his pride.
DJ: Well, we'll give you that one. Last question: Where did you do it?
Sara: OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You didn't tell them did you?!
Brian: Just tell him, honey.
DJ: What's bothering you so much, Sara?
Sara: Well, it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and--
DJ: SHE SAW?!
Brian: NO, no, I didn't.
DJ: Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. Your answer?
Sara: Dear Lord..I can't believe you told them this.
Brian: Come on honey it's for a trip to Florida.
DJ: Let's go Sara we ain't got all day. Where did you do it?
Sara: Okay ... In the ass.
DJ: We'll be right back.
DJ: I am sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these
things happen. Anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida.
© 1999 Peter Langston