The Comedian's-eye View of 05/10/99
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 9 May 99 21:05:34 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 05/10/99
Excerpted-from: ShopTalk 05/10/99
Monday May 10, 1999
"Drugs taught an entire generation of kids the metric system."
-- PJ O''Rourke
Aetna has announced plans for bare-bones medical insurance that most
Americans can afford. "The program has reduced benefits, but as long as
you don't get sick, you're covered." (Ira Lawson)
More than 2 million workers might take May 19 off to see the new "Star Wars"
movie. "I've heard of playing hooky, but playing Wookie?" (Daily Scoop)
Thursday was officially No-Diet Day. "Don't we already have that? It's
called the third day of any diet. 'That's it, I'm outta here!'" (Jay Leno)
"The new Jesse "The Governor" Ventura action figure is now on the market.
But, the doll is not anatomically correct. The foot does not make it all
the way up to the mouth. (Dave Ogle - KSTP-TV - Minneapolis)
AT&T is going to link up with Microsoft to form a giant Internet company.
And I hear the new company is going to be called "Ma Bill." (Bill Williams)
According to the New York Post, there are two separate books coming out now
that claim Abraham Lincoln was gay.
... In fact, turns out, Abe Lincoln's nickname was not "Honest Abe." It
was Tinky Linky.
... And of course, coin collectors are having a hey day with this. In
fact, going home from work last night, on Sunset Boulevard, I saw a male
hooker with a sign: "Lincoln head - 50 bucks."
© 1999 Peter Langston