The Comedian's-eye View of 08/23/99
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 23 Aug 99 00:56:09 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 08/23/99
Excerpted-from: 08/23/99 -- ShopTalk
Monday August 23, 1999
"Analysts noted that Planet Hollywood was successful in the early 90s
because stars like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Patrick Swayze made regular
appearances. Analysts now reflect that Planet Hollywood's financial
problems are because stars like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Patrick Swayze
make regular appearances."
- Jon Stewart on 'The Daily Show'
George W. Bush is on the campaign stump. He knows the cost of drugs in our
schools. He's bought some before. (Alan Ray)
The New York Post is reporting, that while Newt Gingrich was trying to get
Bill Clinton impeached over the Monica Lewinsky scandal, he was having an
affair with a young woman who worked for the House agriculture committee.
Well, now he says it was platonic-- that he only dated her for her
agriculture connection, you know, to shorten the food chain between him and
where groceries come from. (Voldseth)
Planet Hollywood Intl. announced plans to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
yesterday. Investor Arnold Schwarzenegger intoned, "I'll be broke." (Jim
Coming off a poor showing in the Iowa straw poll, former Vice President Dan
Quayle's presidential campaign plans a major reorganization of staff and
resources for the coming months. Quayle himself was philosophical, noting
that it took time for the great thinkers to become popular, such as Platoe.
The GOP presidential race heats up. How can you spot the George W. Bush
victory train? It goes "toot, toot". (Ray)
Newt Gingrich has been cheating on his wife with a political aide. He's
hoping to attract a new element to the Republican Party. The swing vote.
Newt Gingrich is still one of the most respected men in politics. He's done
'em all. Congress. Writing. Speaking. His political aide. (Ray)
The Clintons are on vacation. The First Lady is busy working on a pet
social project of hers'. The Adopt-a-State program. (Ray)
Russian News: The Russian parliament confirmed Vladimir Putin as Russia's
latest prime minister. Or as Boris Yeltsin calls him ---- Vladimir Doe #5.
© 1999 Peter Langston