Fun_People Archive
24 Aug
The Comedian's-eye View of 08/25/99

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 24 Aug 99 23:21:10 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 08/25/99

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: 08/25/99 -- ShopTalk

                         Wednesday August 25, 1999

"Dodgers and Angels highlights at 11. Please watch anyway."
		- Promo last week by Bill Weir of KABC-TV, Los Angeles

The New York Times is reporting that Steven Forbes plans to sell an island
he owns in order to raise money for his presidential bid.  "Seems to me if
the guy owns an island, why not keep the island and name yourself president
of that?" (Jay Leno)

Romance novelist Danielle Steele has separated from her fifth husband.  "As
she took her final few steps down the shaded walk of their palatial country
estate, she felt the relentless pounding of a battered and aching heart
scarred with memories of unbridled passion- memories that now must last a
lifetime.  She slipped into the Jaguar.  It was a new day." (Bob Mills)

Minnesota Governor, Jesse Ventura, has been criticized heavily for returning
to the ring this weekend, as a referee at the World Wrestling Federation's
SummerSlam event.  But, you know, you have to give Jesse credit. He said,
"I don't care what people think.   I'm proud of politics.  I'm proud I to
be a politician.  And I'm proud to be here tonight!" (Steve Voldseth)

In Austria, a 59-year-old woman lived two years with her dead mother wrapped
up in a carpet because she could not face parting with her. This is what's
known in the carpet business as a "remnant." (Jim Rosenberg)

The Blair Witch Project: It cost $35,000 to make. ---- So far, it's made
$150 million. They have made so much on their investment, Bill Gates is
suing them for "alienation of income." (Bill Williams)

Several Republican presidential candidates, including Dan Quayle, Alan
Keyes, Steve Forbes, Gary Bauer, Orin Hatch and Pat Buchanan have pledged
to oppose gay adaptation and help the Boy Scouts keep out homosexuals. These
guys could pledge to oppose gravity and Rock and Roll, they're still never
going to win. (Williams)

British Columbia's premier, Glen Clark resigned under charges of casino
licensing and influence pedaling. At a news conference in Victoria, he said
he was innocent but refused to say any more. So folks ---- I guess it'll
have to be, "Victoria's Secret." (Williams)

Kato Kaelin is suing the National Examiner for libel.  A story linking him
to Nicole Simpson's murder has caused him emotional distress.  He now has
trouble sleeping during the day. (Alan Ray)

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