MEMO From: God Re: evolution
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 25 Aug 99 10:38:37 -0700
Subject: MEMO From: God Re: evolution
Forwarded-by: Dan Peck <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Forwarded-by: email@example.com (Ron Marx)
From: the Washington Post.
M E M O
To: The members of the Kansas Board of Education
Re: Your decision to eliminate the teaching of evolution as science.
Thank you for your support. Much obliged.
Now, go forth and multiply. Beget many children. And yea, your children
shall beget children. And their children shall beget children, and their
children's children after them. And in time the genes that have made you
such pinheads will be eliminated through natural selection. Because that is
how it works.
Listen, I love all my creatures equally, and gave each his own special
qualities to help him on Earth. The horse I gave great strength. The
antelope I gave great grace and speed. The dung beetle I gave great
stupidity, so he doesn't realize he is a dung beetle. Man I gave a brain.
Use it, okay?
I admit I am not perfect. I've made errors. (Armpit hair--what was I
thinking?) But do you Kansans seriously believe that I dropped half-a-
billion-year-old trilobite skeletons all over my great green Earth by
mistake? What, I had a few lying around some previous creation in the
Andromeda galaxy, and they fell through a hole in my pocket?
You were supposed to find them. And once you found them, you were supposed
to draw the appropriate, intelligent conclusions. That's what I made you
for. To think.
The folks who wrote the Bible were smart and good people. Mostly, they got
it right. But there were glitches. Imprecisions. For one thing, they said
that Adam and Eve begat Cain and Abel, and then Cain begat Enoch. How was
that supposed to have happened?
They left out Tiffany entirely! Well, they also were a little off on certain
elements of timing and sequence. So what? You guys were supposed to figure
it all out for yourselves anyway.
When you stumble over the truth, you are not supposed to pick yourself up,
dust yourself ff and proceed on as though nothing had happened. If you find
a dinosaur's toe, you're not supposed to look for reasons to call it a
croissant. You're not big, drooling idiots. For that, I made dogs. Why do
you think there are no fossilized human toes dating from a hundred million
years ago? Think about it.
It's okay if you think. In fact, I prefer it. That's why I like Charlie
Darwin. He was always a thinker. Still is. He and I chat frequently. I know
a lot of people figure that if man evolved from other organisms, it means
I don't exist. I have to admit this is a reasonable assumption and a valid
line of thought. I am in favor of thought. I encourage you to pursue this
concept with an open mind, and see where it leads you.
There's one more thing. Did you read in the newspapers yesterday how
scientists in Australia dug up some rocks and found fossilized remains of
life dating back further than ever before? Primitive, multicelled animals
on Earth nearly 3 billion years ago, when the planet was nothing but roiling
muck and ice and fire. And inside those cells was ... DNA. Incredibly
complex strands of chemicals, laced together in a scheme so sophisticated
no one yet understands exactly how it works.
I wonder who could have thought of something like that, back then.
© 1999 Peter Langston