Toon Town Exposed
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 24 Sep 99 19:40:23 -0700
Subject: Toon Town Exposed
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: Kirk McKusick <mckusick@McKusick.COM>
Forwarded-by: Mark Compton <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Thank God the Rev. Jerry Falwell has finally stepped in to clean up
children's television. Recently, he revealed the true nature of Tinky Winky,
from that perverted show the "Teletubbies". As Falwell showed conclusively,
the character is clearly gay: First off, he's purple, the gay color; he has
an antenna shaped like a triangle, the gay symbol; and he carries a purse,
something all gay people do. But Falwell's work is far from complete. You
see, kiddy TV is rife with gaiety. Heck, Toon Town is one big circuit party
and has been for years. Consider the following
Fred Flintstone: His nickname on the Bedrock bowling team: "Twinkle-toes
Flintstone." The show's theme song ends "...we'll have a gay old time!"
Wears an orange dress with little Triangles on it. Hangs out with Barney
far more than with Wilma.
Bugs Bunny: Often stands with hand on hip. Plays a hairdresser in one
episode. Frequently dresses in drag. Loves to throw on a top hat and tails
and belt out Broadway show-tunes with his buddy Daffy - who, it's worth
noting, has a lisp.
Popeye: Eats lots of salad. Wears a sailor suit, even though he hasn't been
on a ship in years. Does little sailor-dances. Dates a flat-chested
transvestite named Olive Oyl. And his best friend is named Wimpy.
Batman and Robin: Robin's nickname: Boy Wonder. Batman's real name: Bruce.
Both wear tights. They're in great shape. And they like to show each other
their "grappling hooks".
Peppermint Patty: Has a deep, gravely voice. Wears pants, not dresses like
the other Peanuts gals. Plays a mean game of football. Likes to taunt
Charlie Brown. Always hanging out with that androgynous Marcie. Wears
comfortable shoes. Nickname: Sir.
The Pink Panther: 'Nuff said
© 1999 Peter Langston