Fun_People Archive
5 Oct
Underwear Filter Inspired by Gore's Campaign Against Methane

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue,  5 Oct 99 18:01:12 -0700
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Subject: Underwear Filter Inspired by Gore's Campaign Against Methane

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Underwear Filter Inspired by Gore's Campaign Against Methane

PORTLAND, OR - Cicci's, a major U.S. clothing manufacturer has created the
first-ever "environmentally friendly" underwear. This underwear features an
inner pocket for disposable methane filters. Said Alfredo Cicci,
environmental activist and inventor of the disposable methane filter,
"Vice-President Gore's Campaign against Methane alerted me to the
destructive force of flatulence. I knew something had to be done to stop
the gas or the planet would perish."

Cicci spent 3 years and 4 million dollars selflessly pursing a way to save
the earth. The result of his labor of love is the disposable methane filter.
Said Cicci, "The concept was fairly simple. It is similar to putting a
filter on an exhaust pipe or smoke stack. We experimented with many
different filtering combinations. Our test subjects would load up on beans
and then go down to the lab for a 'smog-check'. We wiped out thousands of
pairs of underwear before we finally found the right filter."

Cicci claims that his disposable methane filter can block 99% of the gas
and 50% of the noise associated with human flatulence.

An added feature of the disposable methane filter is its ability to save
marriages. Said Cicci, "We found that men who wear the disposable methane
filter in their underwear are no longer able to gross their wives out by
farting in bed and then fluffing the covers."  Said one woman, whose husband
helped test the filters,  "This product is a god-send! There's no more
smelly blankets, no more lingering gas in the living room, no more  "come
here and pull my  finger".   It's almost like my husband isn't home. I love
this underwear!"

However, there is down-side to the product. The filter is four inches thick.
Test subjects complained that the filter feels baggy. They also complained
that when they wore the filter people would point and laugh at them because
it looked like they had dropped a load in their pants.

Cicci assured BNN that he is planning to release thinner filters by the end
of next year. Environmentally friendly underwear should hit the stores in
time for the Christmas shopping season. Cicci urges that everyone do their
part to save the planet by purchasing this new and exciting product.

© 1999 Peter Langston