Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 99 11:46:56 -0700
Subject: Label Instructions
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Forwarded-by: Jack Doyle <email@example.com>
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(You'd think the kids would already know that!)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(And the consumer may pay purchase price.)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.
(Can't argue with that!)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to ...?)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Yow! I guess that leaves elbows, feet, lips, ...)
On a child's superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
© 1999 Peter Langston