6 billion earthlings, 12 million Indians, 3 Kings, and 1 Art Critic
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 99 19:55:58 -0700
Subject: 6 billion earthlings, 12 million Indians, 3 Kings, and 1 Art Critic
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
From: "Michael Moore's newsletter" <MICHAELMOORE@LISTSERV.AOL.COM>
October 12, 1999
Earlier today, the 6 billionth human on the planet was born. I thought this
happened three months ago but, what with all the earthquakes, hurricanes,
and West Nile-like mosquitoes loose in Queens, I guess someone had to revise
downward. According to the U.N., at 12:02 this morning, the blessed event
took place -- in Bosnia, where they designated an 8-pound baby boy as Number
6 Billion. What a lucky kid, to enter this world in such a pleasant place!
Allow me to greet the newest, record-setting member of our species with
these words -- RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!
I have just seen the best film of the year. I had no idea I would feel this
way about it as it appeared to be just another Hollywood action/war rah-rah
flick. Well, was I ever wrong.
The movie is called "Three Kings." I can't believe this film got made. The
movie essentially says that the United States of America committed a
profoundly immoral act by staging the Gulf War. It says that we did it for
the oil companies, and we left the people of Iraq, who wanted Sadaam
removed, twisting and dying in the wind. It deals with racism at home
("What's the problem with Michael Jackson?"), our attitudes toward Arabs,
and what actually happens when you take another's life. The film opens with
an American soldier murdering an Iraqi soldier after the war was over while
the Iraqi was waving a white flag. When I saw the movie, there were three
teenage boys in front of me who shouted, "Cool!," at the screen when the
Iraqi is first shot. But that was the last time during the movie that they
cheered any killing. By the time it was over, they left the theatre looking
pretty sobered by what they had just witnessed.
Oh, and the movie is also filled with great moments of dark, weird and
twisted humor. Major thanks to George Clooney, John Ridley, David O.
Russell, Ice Cube, Mark Wahlberg and Spike Jonze, plus Warner Bros. for
having the courage to make this film.
While we are on the subject of misdeeds done around the world in our name
and with our money, check out this past Saturday's Washington Post
and how more and more of the truth is finally coming out regarding the U.S.
involvement in the overthrow of the legally-elected government in Chile in
1973. The man who led the CIA-backed coup, General Augusto Pinochet, has
just been given his ticket to Spain, compliments of the British government,
to stand trial for murder. This is one of those rare cases where the bad
guys really do lose in the end.
What's up with the British these days? First they perform this incredible
act of justice... and then they vote me into second place for British GQ's
"International Man of the Year!" Yes, the results are finally in and the
editors at GQ are probably thanking every deity in the heavens that their
fashion kingdom was not turned upside down. Thanks to all those who sent in
their ballots. Only John Travolta got more votes. I beat both Clinton and
Tom Cruise. No greater honor have I ever known. I will now put away my
grody t-shirt until next year when we will storm the ballot box once again!
Yesterday was Columbus Day, which for some reason is a big deal here in New
York City. Columbus himself was personally responsible for wiping out
hundreds of thousands of native people on the island we now know as Haiti
and the Dominican Republic. (click here to read about Columbus' legacy of
u/thistle/www/v9/9.11/1columbus.html</A>) Can you imagine a few hundred
years from now they name a holiday in honor of some guy from this century
who was responsible for genocide, but they decided to overlook that because
of his other historical accomplishments like the fact he invented the rocket
and the autobahn? This is really a nutty holiday, right up there with
"Presidents Day." Why don't we drop these two holidays and make December 29
a national holiday in honor of the final massacre at Wounded Knee in 1890
of the American Indians? And for that matter, whatever happened to the
four-day work week we were promised by the end of the century? At the very
least, shouldn't everybody have their own birthday off? And can we all get
our original area codes back, please?
Well, I hope I haven't upset any Italians with my comments about Columbus.
You still have Mayor Giuliani to be proud of, especially now that he is an
art critic. It's just too bad he has to do so much Catholic bashing. What
does he have against Catholics? Here he goes, attacking a Catholic artist
from Africa who made a painting of the Virgin Mary, a deeply religious work
of art if you have a chance to see it. For the mayor to go after someone
for expressing his personal religious views (in this case, the artist's
devotion to the mother of Jesus) is really abhorrent to what we value about
this country. And then to use his political office to punish a museum for
allowing someone to express his religious beliefs is even more revolting.
Mr. Mayor, stop bashing us Catholics! I'm sorry I gave you those noogies.
Obviously, I knocked a screw loose.
P.S. Dear Mr. Quayle: After drudging up a tired old joke in my last letter
about how you once spelled "potato," I then proceeded to misspell your name.
For that infraction, I am hereby banned from making any jokes or comments
about you or your intelligence (this order shall run concurrently with the
formerly-announced bans on Gerald Ford klutz jokes and any mention of Y2K).
© 1999 Peter Langston