Chiff & Fipple Excerpts du Jour 12/5/99
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 5 Dec 99 12:54:48 -0800
Subject: Chiff & Fipple Excerpts du Jour 12/5/99
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From: Kevin Johnsrude <email@example.com>
Chiff & Fipple: The Post-Structural Tinwhistle E-Mail Experience -
VIII. HONEST OFFICER, I WAS ONLY PLAYING WITH ONE HAND !
I'm too upset to write about this in detail. Let me just cut to the chase.
I had to explain to a police officer yesterday why I was driving down the
road with a whistle in my mouth. I had driven by him and he was parked in
the bushes and he saw me and just had to know what I was doing. I WAS ONLY
PLAYING WITH ONE HAND! Boy, was it embarrassing.
(Not my real name. Just the first one I could think of.)
I have a little advice for you.
1. Lay off the pontificating when you do your little sportscasts. It's
only a game.
2. If you must drive, don't whistle. If you must whistle don't drive.
You have a little fender-bender, your airbag deploys, your whistle goes in
your mouth and out the back of your head via the medulla. Not good. A
brain stem is a terrible thing to waste. Trust me on this.
3. Get out your phone book and look up the nearest chapter of "KDA: Knee
Drivers Anonymous-A Subsidiary of Chiff & Fipple." There will be a meeting
near you. Get a sponsor.
4 Seriously, confine your autowhistling to when you are parked, or, if you
are feeling really bold, while stopped at traffic lights.
P.S. Check out KDA. It's all about the love, Man.
XI. THESE TITLES ARE USUALLY SOMEWHAT WITTY LITTLE REMARKS ABOUT THE PIECE
ABOUT TO FOLLOW. BUT, I'M OCCASIONALLY RENDERED SPEECHLESS.
I made an interesting observation a couple of weeks ago while I was
participating in a living history event. All of a sudden a buxom young lady,
having no place to lay her whistle down while lifting a pot, stuck that bad
boy right into her cleavage! Needless to say, this got MY attention!
Immediately, your articles on pennywhistle storage popped into mind. I
roared with laughter, amid many puzzled looks. Have you ever heard of this
mode of storage? Hey, think of it - whistle is well-protected and always
warmed up! Just thought you would appreciate this.
I, uh....well. Ok.
XIII. LOOK, I CAN'T HELP YOU WITH EVERYTHING.....
At home I used to work with Windows NT as operating system. As everybody
knows, it takes one or two minutes to boot. Enough time to play a nice tune
on the whistle. Last week, I installed a new operating system on my
computer. It is much better than WinNT but it takes only 15 sec to boot.
Too short for my daily booting-tune. Any help ?
Uninstall the new operating system and put the old one back on.
XIV. AND FINALLY.....
You rarely mention the Crystal People anymore, which I find odd given that
the Millennium turnover is approaching so quickly. What gives? Are ya
First of all, I'm not going to respond to any provocation by a guy named
Geerd. No offense. Secondly, if you think I haven't communicated to the
mailing list about the Crystal People through these newsletters, you just
haven't been reading them carefully enough.
Finally, as we speak, the Martian Lander is silent and the boys at JPL are
wringing their hands about whether NASA has fried another multi-zillion
dollar craft. (Although, in fairness, I have a feeling they took care of
the old English-Metric problem from the last one. They probably don't want
to get any more humiliating messages from their junior high math teachers.)
Anyway, have you stopped to ask what the Martian Lander is REALLY doing up
there. Do you really think this is abou/////BRK//////MSG INTERRPT PROTOCOL
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© 1999 Peter Langston