The Comedian's-eye View of 01/07/00
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 100 19:02:06 -0800
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 01/07/00
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Excerpted-from: 01/07/00 -- ShopTalk
Friday January 7, 2000
"If I were as fat as (Marilyn)
Monroe, I'd kill myself."
The gracious and tasteful Liz Hurley
"Jane and Ted Turner are separating, but neither will ask for a divorce.
Both are afraid they might be awarded custody of John Rocker." (Bob Lacey)
Customs officials at the Vienna airport in Austria seized 69 pounds of
(smoked) rat meat after it was discovered in the luggage of a Nigerian
--Apparently, police found the contraband after drug- sniffing dogs mistook
the package for the in-flight meal.
--Police estimate (that) the 69 pounds of rat meat had a street value of
over 40,000 Ball Park Franks.
--Authorities are calling it the single largest rat bust since Linda Tripp.
Happy Birthday: It was on this day in 1854 that detective character,
Sherlock Holmes was "born." I could tell you how old that makes him, but
that would be elementary. (Voldseth)
About Face: "A philosophy student in Albany, NY wants to undergo plastic
surgery so he can look more like a reptile. Wouldn't it be easier just to
go to law school?" (Rudolph J. Cecera)
Beanie Baby: You know how they said no more Beanie Baby's after 1999? Well,
they changed their mind and will sell more. And the first new one will be,
of course, the "Term Limits" Beanie. (Bill Williams)
© 2000 Peter Langston