Fun_People Archive
7 Jan
Haikus for Jews

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri,  7 Jan 100 19:44:10 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Haikus for Jews

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		Haikus for Jews

Hey! Get back indoors.			A lovely nose ring--
Whatever you were doing			excuse me while I put my
Could put an eye out.			head in the oven.

In the ice sculpture			Hidden connection--
reflected bar mitzvah guests		starvation in Africa,
nosh on chopped liver.			food left on my plate.

How soft the petals			My nature journal--
of the floral arrangement		today, I saw some trees and birds.
I have just stolen.			I should know the names?

Add cholesterol				Like a bonsai tree,
then overcook and serve with bread:	your terrible posture at
recipe revealed.			my dinner table.

Beyond Valium                           Jews on safari--
the peace of knowing one's child	map, compass, elephant gun,
is an internist.			hard sucking candies.

Firefly steals into the night		Coroner's report--
just like my former			"The deceased, wearing no hat,
partner, that gonif.			caught his death of cold."

The same kimono				Today I am a
the top geishas are wearing:		man. Tomorrow I return
got it at Loehmann's.			to the Seventh Grade.

New at Oys 'R' Us!			The sparrow brings home
Hypochondriac Barbie			too many worms for her young.
has a gout attack.			"Force yourself," she chirps.

Jewish triathlon:			"Can't you just leave it?"
gin rummy, then contract bridge,	the new Jewish mother asks--
followed by a nap.			umbilical cord.

Looking for the pink buds		The shivah visit:
to trim back, the mohel tends		so sorry about your loss. Now
his flower garden.			back to my problems.

Scrabble anarchy			Constipation gas
after putzhead is placed on		fiber enema chatting
a triple word score.			with the mishpocheh.

Our youngest daughter,			Mom, please! There is no
our most precious jewel. Hence		need to put that dinner roll
the name, Tiffany.			in your pocketbook.

Seven-foot Jews in			Lonely mantra of
the NBA slam-dunking!			the Buddhist monk: "They never
my alarm clock rings.			call, they never write."

The sparkling blue sea			Concert of car horns
beckons me to wait one hour		as we debate the question
after my sandwich.			of when to change lanes.

Testing the warm milk                   Is one Nobel Prize
on her wrist, she beams; nice, but	too much to ask from a child
her son is forty.			after all I've done?

Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.

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