Fun_People Archive
13 Jan
The Comedian's-eye View of 01/14/99

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 13 Jan 100 15:52:09 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 01/14/99

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649  -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Excerpted-from: 01/14/99 -- ShopTalk

                        Friday January 14, 2000

               "Try not to be a jackass, will you?"

               Walter Cronkite, to David Letterman
               onstage before Letterman's interview
               with Hillary Rodham Clinton


"Internet service provider America Online announced plans to merge with
apparently lesser-known Time Warner Communications recently, bring Planet
Earth one step closer to being a place where everyone can be fired by the
same bazillionaire." (Jon Stewart)

"Ted Turner's net worth rose 40% in one day after Time Warner was acquired
in the multibillion-dollar AOL merger. He told reporters the deal was better
than sex.  That's easy to say when your wife moved out a week ago." (Argus

The New York Jets were sold Tuesday to Robert Wood Johnson IV, heir to the
Johnson & Johnson pharmaceutical empire. Johnson promised suffering Jets
fans: "No More Tears!" (Jim Rosenberg)

In Santa Fe, a man who has been convicted of drunken driving 21 times was
sentenced to 3 1/2 years in prison on Monday. It's part of New Mexico's
tough "Twenty- one strikes and you're out" policy. (Rosenberg)

Pamela Anderson Lee announced plans this week, for a 24- hour Internet
"all-Pam, all-the-time" TV channel, set to debut this fall.  Pam already has
an advertising slogan for her new network--  "Bust See TV." (Steve Voldseth)

McDonalds will give away Teletubbies in a new promotion.  They're soft,
weird looking, and no one can understand a thing they say.  But enough about
the counter help. (Alan Ray)

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