The Comedian's-eye View of 01/19/00
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 100 17:54:04 -0800
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 01/19/00
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Excerpted-from: 01/19/00 -- ShopTalk
Wednesday January 19, 2000
"AOL Time Warner: Some folks think the new corporation
may have too much power. Today my computer said,
'You've got mail, can we read it?'"
- Jim Mullen's 'Hot Sheet' in Entertainment Weekly
"John Rocker admitted to ESPN that's he's a redneck but denied being a
racist. There's an important difference. A redneck likes to get three sheets
to the wind, while a racist like to wear three sheets if it's windy. (Argus
"America Online and Time Warner plan to merge. That's all we need: More
Looney Tunes on the Internet. (Gary Greenfield)
Republican presidential candidate Alan Keyes says if he's elected, he'll
try to get the Panama Canal back. Asked to comment, Panamanian leaders
chuckled that if Alan Keyes is elected President, the U.S. can have all of
Panama. (Jim Rosenberg)
George W. Bush's whole family is helping him campaign for president. His
mother is speaking at women's groups, his father is working at the grass
roots level, and his brother Jeb has carried out two Texas executions.
Authorities have discovered that a boy who enrolled in a Washington, D.C.
area private high school claiming to be a 15-year-old sophomore is actually
a 27- year-old man. Police are charging him with 17 counts of impersonating
the original cast of "Beverly Hills 90210." (Voldseth)
Oregon scientists have cloned a rhesus monkey. He appears to be like all
high-functioning primates in every respect, except that he has a 100 m.p.h.
fastball and a distaste for foreigners. (Rosenberg)
© 2000 Peter Langston