Bits O' Bull No. 550!
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 100 13:45:33 -0800
Subject: Bits O' Bull No. 550!
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Excerpted-from: BONG Bull No. 550!
THE BURNED-OUT NEWSPAPERCREATURES GUILD'S NEWSLETTER
Copyright (c) 1999 by BONG. All rights reserved
TO SUBSCRIBE: Send a blank e-mail to email@example.com.
(Note: That's bong-ELL, not bong-ONE.)
For Jan. 26, 2000. So it's gonna be the millennium of the big letdown.
Everybody with more than 2 percent of the vote in the Iowa caucuses declares
himself a winner, and St. Louis plays Nowheresville, Tenn. in the Super
Bowl. Can we get Bill Clinton back for a third term, with Joe Namath for
vice president? asks the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild, and this is
BONG Bull No. 550!
WHOGAS. James Hayes <firstname.lastname@example.org> wonders who invented the
famous Whogas Rule of news editing. That is, the judging of news values by
asking "Who gives a shit?"
BONG's News Judgments and Speakers Forum Committee could not remember,
since circulation trends prove that the rule is so rarely applied in
newspapering any more. Anyone venture an etymology?
APOLOGIES. Some BONGers reading last week's edition on the electronic
equivalent of yellow-paper, purple-ink teletype machines were dismayed to
see the quote marks as really weird characters. This is an affection of the
Microsoft era. So, in the curly-versus-straight schism of communications,
BONG has chosen to go straight from this week forward except, of course,
for the weeks when the curly-quotes gremlin gets over the wall. Sorry.
NEW BOY. The crusty news editor at the paper noticed a new reporter on
staff and called him over.
"Hey you! What's your name?" the editor demanded.
"John," the newcomer said.
"Look here!" the editor growled. "This is a professional organization,
and we don't go by first names! When I call you over to my desk, I have to
shout across a noisy newsroom, and it's not going to be the name they called
you in kindergarten! What's your last name?"
"Darling," the reporter said. "My name is John Darling."
"Well then, John," the editor said, "I'll look forward to working with
Always in rhythm with the drummers, BONG Chief Copyboy Charley Stough,
Dayton Daily News, 45 S. Ludlow St., Dayton, Ohio 45401 tosses a little
cocktail parasol to BONG rummies worldwide. E-mail email@example.com.
Phone (937) 225-2445 after 6 p.m. eastern. Fax 225-2489.
© 2000 Peter Langston