The Comedian's-eye View of 03/01/00 -- ShopTalk
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 29 Feb 100 17:23:58 -0800
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 03/01/00 -- ShopTalk
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
[Happy 90th, Velzoe! -psl]
Excerpted-from: 03/01/00 -- ShopTalk
Wednesday March 1, 2000
"On CBS, they're dropping guys off on a deserted island to
test their survival skills. For a real test, they should
try Tonya Harding's garage."
- Mike Littwin, of The Rocky Mountain News
"The Making of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue:" This is for the
people who find complicated plots of 'Baywatch' too hard to follow."
Texas Gov. George W. Bush spent an hour chatting with America Online users
on Friday afternoon. Bush discussed his campaign under the chat room
nickname "PUTFORKINME". (Jim Rosenberg/ www.mrmonologue.com)
Virginia and Washington state will have Republican primaries today.
Washington is a unique state, of course -- for one thing, as the
headquarters of Starbuck's Coffee. Hopefully George W. Bush's handlers
reminded him that cappuccino and latte are NOT provinces in Italy! (Richard
Former president George Bush was hospitalized recently for an irregular
heartbeat. Which is not unusual. That's what happens to a lot of people
when they think of George W. in the White House. (Bill Williams)
A 62-year-old woman was executed in Texas last week with Governor Bush
saying "no" to an executive reprieve. Of course now that he's a
compassionate conservative, George calls it "putting her to sleep."
Did you hear: the story about Secretary of State Madeleine Albright? "Time"
reports she's thinking about running for President of the CZECH REPUBLIC,
where she was born! First Mrs. Clinton in New York, now this. What's
next? Donna Shalala volunteering for POPE? (For you Latin and music buffs:
that would give a whole new meaning to "DONNA nobis pacem....") This report
leads us to ask some questions. If Ms. Albright runs for President, would
she and her family have to adjust their citizenship -- to become "temporary
Czechs?" And what do you call the spouse of the Czech Republic's leader?
A Czech-MATE?!?! (Burkard)
David Duchovny calls the Fox network's "Who Wants to Marry a
Multimillionaire" a "travesty." Yes! Isn't it about time someone in
television stopped this kind of sensational pandering and concentrated on
worthwhile matters such as alien autopsies? (Rosenberg)
© 2000 Peter Langston