Fun_People Archive
12 Sep
The Comedian's-eye View of 09/12/00

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 12 Sep 100 13:27:20 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 09/12/00

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649  -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Excerpted-from: 09/12/00 -- ShopTalk

                      Tuesday September 12, 2000

	"I see you have taken to American television by storm... Mike
	 Wallace is so mean to all the rest of us. He's purring like a
	 little child (with you). I saw it, it was great. It was great. I'm so
			- President Clinton chatting with
			  Chinese President Jiang Zemin.


Top Twelve Signs That Your Newsroom Is In Trouble

12. Your crew taunts the competition whenever it beats them to a story by
    waving their hands next to their heads while screaming "Na Na Na Naw"
11. The Lead Anchor shaves his head, grows a goatee, and pierces his ear
    claiming "That's What The Kids Are Doing These Days"
10. New Theme Music Downloaded from Napster
 9. Editing Equipment purchased from E Bay
 8. Satellite Feed stuck on M2
 7. Live Truck Delivers Pizza in between Stories
 6. Box of Beta stock has "Be Kind Rewind" stickers on them
 5. New Super Doppler Weather Radar equipment has "Property of US Air
    Force" engraved on it
 4. The Station Manager just hired a "Pesky Gadabout" as a consultant
 3. Vending Machine now carries "Reporters Notebook" for $1.25
 2. Edit bay requires "tokens" for viewing tapes

And the number one sign that your newsroom is in trouble:
 1. Your Anchor asks "What time is the 5:58 Update?"

Indiana University fired coach Bobby Knight on Sunday, ending three
tumultuous decades at an institute of higher-learning best known for never,
ever firing Bobby Knight. (Guy Nicolucci )

Bob Knight denied to reporters Friday that he'd violated the Indiana "zero
tolerance" policy with that student.  He said given the warnings he faced,
he'd "have to be an absolute moron" to roughhouse anyone.  It leaves us
wondering what Knight was when he threw that chair across the court years
ago!  (Richard Burkard/

The Federal Trade Commission has denounced the marketing of violent video
games to youth.  Playstation's newest release may be too gruesome for some
kids. Bobby Knight 2000. (Alan Ray)

"The West Wing," won a record-setting nine Emmy awards on Sunday, including
the prestigious Emmy for "Best Show for People Who Never Watched the
Sopranos." (Nicolucci)

Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura was recently on the David Letterman
show....I tell you, that Jesse is one tough guy. He's so tough, he wears
Firestone jockey shorts. (Bill Williams)

George II agrees to 3 debates -- on the Home Shopping Network, in front of
the Dallas Junior League at Neiman Marcus, and at the gun show in Waco.
No word yet from the Gore camp. (Michael Feldman's Whad'Ya Know?

The Vatican reaffirms Catholicism to be the only true religion, but, in an
ecumenical gesture, says contributions to the building fund are welcome
from any quarter. (Feldman)

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