The Comedian's-eye View of 09/19/00
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 18 Sep 100 18:25:27 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 09/19/00
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Excerpted-from: 09/19/00 -- ShopTalk
Tuesday September 19, 2000
"...worst writing in television are those meaningless phrases that
show up like clockwork on everybody's newscasts and don't make any
sense, as in, unless you're talking about the NFL, 'team coverage,'
unless you're talking about Jacques Cousteau, 'in-depth;' and
unless, you're talking about Bob Dole, 'hard news.'"
Don Hewitt, in speech
to AP Awards Dinner guests at the RTNDA in Minneapolis
If you send $25 to the NRA you get back a bullet autographed by Charlton
Heston. Sounds creepy, but think about it. If you hate bad acting this is
a gift from the Gods.. Finally, a bullet with Charlton Heston's name on
it! (Bill Williams)
George W. Bush and Al Gore have agreed to hold three presidential debates
next month. Bush's initial reluctance to debate was overcome when it was
agreed he could bring along an English translator. (Guy Nicolucci
Kim Basinger told a magazine that she and husband Alec Baldwin would leave
the country if George W. Bush were elected president. In a related story,
millions of moviegoers plan to vote Republican for the first time.
Basinger won an Oscar for her portrayal of a high-priced call-girl in "L.A.
Confidential," while Alec's recent roles have won him several "Good Eater
Subliminal message in Republican attack ad discovered when significant
numbers of the viewing audience experience twitching nose, urge to chew
through boxes in cupboard and to defecate on counter tops in the middle of
the night. Bureaucrats remain unaffected. (Michael Feldman's Whad'Ya
The Gore camp received a package containing Bush's debate preparation
homework; they corrected it and sent it back. Got a 62 in geography, 69
in English, 79 in civics, and an 83 in Spanish, so he passed, but barely.
Of course he says "Ahol!" instead of "Hola!" (Feldman)
A new TV season begins. Some tear-jerking episodes on NBC's "Will and Grace"
this year. Lovable Jack will be exposed to Dr. Laura. (Ray)
"The Exorcist" will be re-released this week to movie theaters. Some of
the lingo has been updated for the new millennium. Linda Blair's character
will be referred to as being possessed by Pat Buchanan. (Ray)
© 2000 Peter Langston