Fun_People Archive
27 Sep
The Comedian's-eye View of 09/28/00

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 27 Sep 100 17:34:09 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 09/28/00

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649  -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Excerpted-from: 09/28/00 -- ShopTalk

                      Thursday September 28, 2000

  "We relaxed a bit, listened to music and drank a cup of coffee."
	- Willie Nelson on spending time with Rob Thomas of the rock
	  group Matchbox Twenty, in Rolling Stone magazine

  "We smoked, like, 20 joints."
	- Rob Thomas' description of the same encounter, ibid.


Philip Warner, chief obituary writer for The Daily Telegraph has passed
away at the age of 86.  Warner's last words were:  "Philip Warner, chief
obituary writer for The Daily Telegraph has passed away at the age of 86."
(Steve Voldseth)

There are rumors in Hollywood that Kathie Lee Gifford may soon be getting
her own TV sitcom.  I believe they're calling it, "Just Shoot Us." (Voldseth)

In Philadelphia last week, a gun-wielding carjacker stole Philadelphia
Phillies outfielder, Rob Ducey's, 1999 silver Porsche 996.  Police are on
the lookout for a balding, middle-aged, recently divorced lawyer. (Voldseth)

With so many sports events going on right now, please don't be confused.
Baseball clubs have "farm teams."  National Olympic squads have pharm-
aceutical teams! (Richard Burkard/

And who should be in Sydney Tuesday to come to CJ Hunter's aide - but Johnny
Cochran!  "He flunked the test, but we're not going to rest!" (Burkard)

The Olympics continue. Other shot putters wondered if C.J. Hunter was taking
steroids. During practice throws, he would challenge them to "go long."
(Alan Ray)


From: John Corcoran
Pesky Gadabout, Los Angeles & The World
RE:  Shoptalk's Jokegate Scandal

Mr. Ned Soseman says jokes on this board are unfairly skewed against
Republican Presidential candidate George W.  Bush. (Shoptalk 9/27)

Mr. Soseman, who is either easily upset or a satirist worthy of Twain, has
spent the past few weeks carefully counting up and categorizing the number
of Gore and Bush jokes Fitz has run in the Shoptalk "Humor" section. Soseman
must be serious about his research, because as a hobby, reading and
categorizing Shoptalk jokes ranks right up there with competitive origami
and analyzing the films of Clu Gullagher.

With his research concluded, Soseman next extrapolates his data with the
measured aplomb of a starved moose selecting entrees from a salad bar. He
then blows the lid off a new political scandal we'll call "Jokegate."

Soseman is shocked, shocked I say, to learn there has been not "one
complaint" about Shoptalk's Jokegate "from the guardians of free speech
and fairness."--that's us, kids.  Then, like an Olympian locked in a
pharmacy overnight, Soseman shatters the world record in the standing
conclusion jump by claiming this proves TV news folk have an anti-Republican

Not so fast, Bub. I'm in favor of seeing anecdotal evidence abuse reach
the level of art, but you're wrong about assigning fault. Nobody dast blame
the Media.

The real cause of Jokegate falls directly into the comedy laps of the
candidates, most notably, Al Gore.

To me, it's downright unpatriotic, unfair and un-American for one candidate
to speak in complete sentences, properly parsed, with actual words one
finds in the dictionary, when his opponent is incapable or unwilling to do

I believe it the obligation, nay, the civic duty of Mr.  Gore to commit
his own Bushisms, either obvious or subliminable, and thus hurl more chum
into the roiling waters of political comedy fodder. This would counteract
the imbalance that has become Jokegate, as well as lower gas prices and
probably cure Prickly Heat.

To protect candidates like George W. Bush in the future, I say it's high
time--oops--Congress passed a political fairness law requiring both
candidates to be equally goofy, to speak in sentences even dogs can't
understand, and generally make themselves fair game for all humorists, no
matter their race, creed, or political persuasion.


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