How Paul Died
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 3 Nov 100 12:57:26 -0800
Subject: How Paul Died
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How Paul Died
Two guys meet in a bar, and one says to the other, "Did you hear the news?
-- Paul's dead!"
"What!?! Paul is dead? What happened to him?"
"Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and just as he
arrived, he hit the gas instead of the brake, and boom -- the car hit the
curb and flipped up and he crashed through the sunroof -- went flying
through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"Oh, God, what a horrible way to die!"
"No, no, he survived that; that didn't kill him at all. So, he landed
in my upstairs bedroom and he was all covered in broken glass on the floor,
with a broken leg. He spotted the big old antique wardrobe we have in the
room and reached up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He was just
dragging himself up when bang, the massive wardrobe came crashing down on
top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"That's terrible! What an awful way to die!"
"No, no, that didn't kill him; he survived that. He managed to get
the wardrobe off him and crawled out onto the landing; he tried to pull
himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister broke and he
fell off the landing. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spun and
fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him!"
"Oh, my God, what a way to die!"
"Well, that didn't actually kill him either, he even survived that.
So he was on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawled
in to the kitchen, tried to pull himself up on the stove, but grabbed a
big pot of boiling water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and
burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, that's got to hurt! To burn to death!"
"Yes, I'm sure it would, but he survived that! He was lying on the
ground, covered in boiling water and he spotted the wall phone and tried
to pull himself up to call for help, but instead he grabed the light switch
and pulled the whole thing off the wall, and, of course, the water and
electricity didn't mix and he got electrocuted, wallop, 240 volts shot
"That killed him, though, right?"
"Well, no, he survived that, he ..."
"Hold on, just how did Paul die, then?"
"Well, I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"I had to. He was wrecking my whole house!"
© 2000 Peter Langston