What is a Goron? (21 Rules, a response)
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 6 Nov 100 20:17:16 -0800
Subject: What is a Goron? (21 Rules, a response)
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Forwarded-by: Andrew Lippman <liP@mit.edu>
[Here is something I received that bears on the note about 21 rules for
being a Republican. Presented for your enjoyment with no endorsement
and no claims to accuracy or fairness... -AL]
What is a Goron?
1. Gorons sincerely believe that Vice President Gore is a true
environmentalist, when he has an environmental disaster on his own farm:
a polluting zinc mine, from which he received $500,000 of income last year.
2. Gorons likewise believe that the VP is anti-smoking and anti-tobacco
when he has operated a tobacco farm for decades and accepted government
3. Gorons truly believe that Gore is a Vietnam war hero, when in fact he
was placed by family influence in a "cushy" correspondent's job and the
only action he saw was that of his Brownie camera! (and his bong)
4. Gorons actually believe that Mr. Gore is justified in illegally raising
political funds from the Office of the VP, simply because the Vanderbilt
Law-educated VP claims he was ignorant of the illegality.
5. Gorons further believe that it was OK for Al to accept large sums of
political money from China through Buddhist monks who had taken vows of
poverty, since he again claimed ignorance.
6. Gorons also believe that the man who claimed to "invent the Internet"
would be so computationally ignorant that he could lose weeks of potentially
7. Gorons, incredibly believe Gore's claim that he and Tipper were the
models for the book and movie, "Love Story" even though the book's author,
Erich Segal, says not.
8. Gorons, amazingly, believe that Gore will be the consumer's champion
against high gasoline prices although Gore holds a million dollars in
Occidental Petroleum stock.
9. Gorons applaud Mr. Lieberman's open rejection of President Clinton's
immorality, but believe it was fine for Mr. Gore to remain silent on the
subject, while simultaneously declaring Mr. Clinton "one of the greatest
Presidents in history."
10. Gorons believe that Al Gore is an effective leader, when they won't
bother to look at his record as a Tennessee Senator, a record so ineffective
that it has led to the election of Republicans as BOTH of Tennessee's
11. Gorons hold the belief that Gore is a compassionate man who will be
the working man's friend, in spite of the eviction notice he served to the
poor family who complained about the conditions of the run down slum house
he was renting to them on his farm.
CAUTIONARY NOTE: Medical researchers acknowledge that Gorons are generally
harmless, except when allowed into a voting booth. There, unfortunately,
overcome by their gullibility syndrome, they are apt to actually vote for
Gore! They should be carefully protected from their ailment, since it may
be harmful to their well-being, yours, mine and that of the USA.
© 2000 Peter Langston