Fun_People Archive
7 Dec
The Comedian's-eye View of 12/08/00

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu,  7 Dec 100 15:09:33 -0800
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 12/08/00

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649  -=[ Fun_People ]=-
Excerpted-from: 12/08/00 -- ShopTalk

                        Friday December 8, 2000

    "My creativity comes from an unhoned place. If 'unhoned' is a word."

		- Monica Lewinsky describing her career as a handbag
		  designer, in New York Magazine


I predict that by March, 2001, a "pregnant Chad" will go back to being a
biological impossibility. (Bill Williams/

Texas just executed its 38th inmate for the year; the most by any state in
US history. Actually, there is one state that beat that record: Florida.
It just executed the hopes of a 150 million Democrats. (Williams)

George W. "Call Me Governor" Bush said his mind is "pretty much made up"
on White House staff appointments.  But he doesn't want to name anyone
until the election is finally settled.  The Republicans might not like this
- but hotel managers in Washington must be smiling.  They could have some
long-term guests this winter. (Richard Burkard/

On TV tonight: "The Ultimate Auction."  How much WILL Republicans pay to
hear a concession speech from Albert Gore?  (Burkard)

The published rumor that George W. Bush may appoint Roger Staubach as
Secretary of the Navy...perhaps he should name Arnold Palmer as Secretary
of the Army.  (Jeff Bottarini)

After five leg operations and two years of rehab, gold medallist Picabo
Street won't quit. She's the Al Gore of skiing." (Alex Kaseberg)

Elian Gonzalez turned seven years old Wednesday. Cuban television broadcast
his birthday party, and Fidel Castro even showed up for it!  Yes sir, he's
become just another ordinary little boy since he left Miami.... (Burkard)

PepsiCo has agreed to buy cereal maker, Quaker Oats. According to the terms
of the deal, PepsiCo will pay Quaker Oats 13.4 billion dollars in stock
and promote Cap'n Crunch to Admiral. (Steve Voldseth)

The man convicted for his role in stealing 55 Academy Award statuettes
failed to appear in court this week.  After an awkward moment, Billy Crystal
stepped forward and accepted the sentence on his behalf.  (Voldseth)

The BCS games are set. A standard tie-breaking rule is in effect. Should
Florida State and Miami end up with identical records, the nation's number
one team will decided by the Florida legislature. (Alan Ray)

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